Since being back at site I haven't really had much work to do. The term doesn't begin for another few weeks and most of the tutors are away at a workshop. I've been spending a lot of time with Fina, the college secretary. I nominated her for a counselor position at camp GLOW and since then her and I have gotten really close. She's educated, progressive, and has a sense of humor. I really enjoy spending time with her.
The past week we started watching Glee together. Some of you know homosexuality is illegal in Uganda and has even been punished by death. It's a very sensitive topic and one I try to avoid discussing with Ugandans. I'm pretty close to Fina and gave her a disclaimer before we started watching it. She assured me it was fine and that she'd have no problem.
I have to be honest, I wish I would have watched it with her a long time ago. I never would have thought watching an American TV program, much less Glee, with a Ugandan would be such a cross-cultural educational tool. I wouldn't recommend doing it with someone you don't trust or don't know very well but it's really opened doors to a plethora of topics we've never discussed.
Since watching Glee we've talked about homosexuality, body image and crash diets, parents talking to kids about dating, adoption, dating someone without having sex, marriage and fidelity, cheerleaders, divorce, learning disorders, down syndrome, wheelchairs, bullying, crying in public, and explaining artists like Lady Gaga and Kiss.
Fina's old perception of what it means to be gay was taken from the style channel. You should know that not many Ugandans, hardly any, have access to the style channel and this fact alone says a lot about Fina and her level of education. Even though I consider her to be a very educated Ugandan, she is also very ignorant. She thought that all gay men wear makeup and style hair. Can you blame her? If I lived in a country that refused to acknowledge the existence of homosexuality and the only exposure I got was the style channel, I might have similar beliefs. We had a really open and honest discussion about relationships and physical/emotional attraction. She asked if a man can be gay even though he doesn't have a boyfriend and she couldn't really grasp the concept. I asked her if she broke up with her boyfriend would she still be straight. She started to understand a bit more then.
I was surprised at the amount of genuine curiosity she had. She's 25 years old and is pursuing an advanced secretarial degree which requires her to spend a lot of time in the capital. I guess I've really taken for granted the importance of asking questions in America. We're taught from elementary school and before that if you don't understand something you ask questions.
Homosexuality wasn't the only topic we discussed. Another one I really enjoyed was explaining how Americans tend to be a bit more free with their emotions. I've had some pretty rough days over my past 2 years spent here and I've learned that Ugandans hate seeing me cry. It makes them so uncomfortable! I found out that they hide their emotions because they don't want their enemies to see them cry because then they will get joy out of it...or something to that degree. I explained that in America it's common for me to talk about how you feel, with friends and family especially.
Be it explaining why the men of Kiss wear makeup on their faces and have long hair, even though they're men, or how if you get pregnant in America you can still continue your studies, Glee has been an invaluable tool in opening the lines of communication on tricky and culturally sensitive topics. Who would have thought?
Monday, January 16, 2012
Holidays 2011
This Christmas/New Year's was one of the most unique and memorable holidays I've ever had. I traveled overland from Kampala to Dar es Salaam with 4 other PCVs, the "Fab 5" (Matt, Dave, Charlene, and Lisa). We eventually met up with a bigger group of PCVs on Zanzibar Island to celebrate New Year's together. As stunning as Zanzibar was, and it was absolutely breathtaking, I really enjoyed and appreciated my time in Dar.
After living in Uganda for close to 2 years, it doesn't take a lot to impress me. Don't get me wrong, I love it here...but it's not always easy. The capital is filthy, harassment is an every day occurrence, you have to bargain like mad just to buy a head of cabbage in the market, you always assume people are ripping you off. It can be wearing. I was so ready for a vacation (especially after being evacuated from my last 2...) but I also didn't have terribly high expectations. We were traveling by bus most of the way to get there, and it's still Africa, right? Wrong.
Yes the traveling wasn't ideal. It was even less than ideal when we found out the train wasn't working due to flooding in Dar and that we'd have to take an even longer bus to get there. Honestly, we were so excited to be on vacation that the traveling didn't really get to us...until the last day...when it took us 4 hours to travel less than 100km. By then we were more than ready to get off that damn bus! We endured hours of speed bumps that didn't even make a blip on our driver's radar. It was kind of fun at first, especially since we were at the back of the bus. But by about the 2nd or 3rd hour, when we were trying to nap a bit, it wasn't fun anymore, especially since we were at the back of the bus. The driver didn't even pretend to slow down over the bumps. In fact, I'm pretty sure he accelerated before going over them! It was so bad that other passengers were complaining to the patrol officer when he pulled us over...for going to fast. That was a first for me. Combine this with sitting behind a speaker (the only speaker on the bus) blaring Bollywood music for hours on end and you can maybe begin to get a glimpse of just how uncomfortable this bus ride was.
Fast forward to Dar, Christmas Eve. It was our first time being in a place for more than a night and we were more than ready to relax and really let our vacation begin. The streets were clean, the roads were marked and posted with street signs, boda bodas weren't allowed in the city center, the people were friendly, all the buildings and shops had signs. It was organized! And did I mention clean? I was in love. We checked into our hotel and explored the town a bit before finding ourselves on the rooftop bar/restaurant of the Holiday Inn. I don't think I'll ever be able to capture in words just how special this night was to me. It was my first time spending Christmas without family and here I was, in Africa, sitting on the rooftop smoking shisha, just enjoying the company of those around me and thankful to have finally showered. I was so happy! It got even better when Matt's dad called him and read "The Night Before Christmas" over the phone to us. Being able to glimpse into someone else's tradition was an amazing feeling. I almost started crying not because I was sad to be missing Christmas with my family but because I was so happy to be spending Christmas with my family, my Peace Corps family. It was such a surreal experience and one that I will always cherish.
Christmas day we took a ferry to Kigamboni and spent the day on Kipepeo beach. First Christmas ever where I drank out of a coconut and barely wore anything other than my swim suit the entire day. We took advantage of the absurdity of our celebrating and had a photo shoot. The Christmas tree is courtesy of Dave's grandma and it survived the transit from KLA to Dar. We took the ferry back to mainland and decided to check out the fish market for dinner. It was closed but some of the street vendors were cooking FRESH octopus, squid, and fish and there was a man making chapati which meant only one thing...FISH TACOS! We stuffed our faces. You may be sketched out at the idea of buying and eating fish cooked at the side of the road by a group of men that barely understand English, but we were ecstatic! You can't get decent seafood in Uganda! One of the best parts was when Lisa, Charlene and I sat with a group of men and greeted them with out limited Kiswahili. They men were so excited to share a meal with us they gave us half of their fish. I have no idea what kind of fish it was but it was fantastic. My Christmas dinner consisted of octopus tacos and fish that I ate with my bare hands. After dinner we cleaned up and found a club to go dancing. The cover was a bit steep (we were still used to being in Peace Corps mode at this point, which means being painfully cheap) but we decided to pay it anyway and enjoy ourselves. We danced until close to 3 in the morning. Another first for me: dancing to a Christmas carol at the club.
We spent Boxing day in Dar and then left for Stone Town on the 27th. On Boxing day we were able to go to the fish market. BEST LUNCH OF MY LIFE. We picked out fresh from the sea, just caught snapper, squid, crab, scallops, etc. At one point we didn't even want fish but the the men dropped the prices so low we couldn't turn them down. I've never had such fresh seafood before. I already miss it. Below are the before and after pictures.
We met a few different groups of Peace Corps volunteers from Zambia and Namibia. It was really refreshing to see how we automatically have this unspoken bond and friendship with each other. I've never experienced something like that in America and it makes me excited to meet returned PCVs when I come home. We did a spice tour in Stone Town and I learned all about cinnamon, vanilla, pepper, nutmeg, etc. It was actually really educational.
We left for the beach on the 29th and stayed in Bwejuu until the 4th, when we flew back to Uganda. Honestly most of the days blurred together. It was a whole lot of being lazy, lounging on the beach, taking naps, swimming, and hanging out. Matt introduced us to "Zanziball," the beach form of Bocce ball and everyone spent a lot of time playing that. The tide had really extreme highs and lows and we could only swim during the high tide. We went snorkeling and kayaking on the ocean. I got my first ever massage. It was truly what I needed...a relaxing vacation.
Here I am back in Uganda and starting to think about what comes next. For the longest time I didn't have to think about COS (close of service) until after GLOW, until after Zanzibar. Now it's after GLOW and Zanzibar.
I'm here finishing up projects until the end of March when I leave for 6 weeks in Thailand for one last adventure before coming home. Then I'll be back in May. Get ready for it!
After living in Uganda for close to 2 years, it doesn't take a lot to impress me. Don't get me wrong, I love it here...but it's not always easy. The capital is filthy, harassment is an every day occurrence, you have to bargain like mad just to buy a head of cabbage in the market, you always assume people are ripping you off. It can be wearing. I was so ready for a vacation (especially after being evacuated from my last 2...) but I also didn't have terribly high expectations. We were traveling by bus most of the way to get there, and it's still Africa, right? Wrong.
Yes the traveling wasn't ideal. It was even less than ideal when we found out the train wasn't working due to flooding in Dar and that we'd have to take an even longer bus to get there. Honestly, we were so excited to be on vacation that the traveling didn't really get to us...until the last day...when it took us 4 hours to travel less than 100km. By then we were more than ready to get off that damn bus! We endured hours of speed bumps that didn't even make a blip on our driver's radar. It was kind of fun at first, especially since we were at the back of the bus. But by about the 2nd or 3rd hour, when we were trying to nap a bit, it wasn't fun anymore, especially since we were at the back of the bus. The driver didn't even pretend to slow down over the bumps. In fact, I'm pretty sure he accelerated before going over them! It was so bad that other passengers were complaining to the patrol officer when he pulled us over...for going to fast. That was a first for me. Combine this with sitting behind a speaker (the only speaker on the bus) blaring Bollywood music for hours on end and you can maybe begin to get a glimpse of just how uncomfortable this bus ride was.
Fast forward to Dar, Christmas Eve. It was our first time being in a place for more than a night and we were more than ready to relax and really let our vacation begin. The streets were clean, the roads were marked and posted with street signs, boda bodas weren't allowed in the city center, the people were friendly, all the buildings and shops had signs. It was organized! And did I mention clean? I was in love. We checked into our hotel and explored the town a bit before finding ourselves on the rooftop bar/restaurant of the Holiday Inn. I don't think I'll ever be able to capture in words just how special this night was to me. It was my first time spending Christmas without family and here I was, in Africa, sitting on the rooftop smoking shisha, just enjoying the company of those around me and thankful to have finally showered. I was so happy! It got even better when Matt's dad called him and read "The Night Before Christmas" over the phone to us. Being able to glimpse into someone else's tradition was an amazing feeling. I almost started crying not because I was sad to be missing Christmas with my family but because I was so happy to be spending Christmas with my family, my Peace Corps family. It was such a surreal experience and one that I will always cherish.
Christmas day we took a ferry to Kigamboni and spent the day on Kipepeo beach. First Christmas ever where I drank out of a coconut and barely wore anything other than my swim suit the entire day. We took advantage of the absurdity of our celebrating and had a photo shoot. The Christmas tree is courtesy of Dave's grandma and it survived the transit from KLA to Dar. We took the ferry back to mainland and decided to check out the fish market for dinner. It was closed but some of the street vendors were cooking FRESH octopus, squid, and fish and there was a man making chapati which meant only one thing...FISH TACOS! We stuffed our faces. You may be sketched out at the idea of buying and eating fish cooked at the side of the road by a group of men that barely understand English, but we were ecstatic! You can't get decent seafood in Uganda! One of the best parts was when Lisa, Charlene and I sat with a group of men and greeted them with out limited Kiswahili. They men were so excited to share a meal with us they gave us half of their fish. I have no idea what kind of fish it was but it was fantastic. My Christmas dinner consisted of octopus tacos and fish that I ate with my bare hands. After dinner we cleaned up and found a club to go dancing. The cover was a bit steep (we were still used to being in Peace Corps mode at this point, which means being painfully cheap) but we decided to pay it anyway and enjoy ourselves. We danced until close to 3 in the morning. Another first for me: dancing to a Christmas carol at the club.
We spent Boxing day in Dar and then left for Stone Town on the 27th. On Boxing day we were able to go to the fish market. BEST LUNCH OF MY LIFE. We picked out fresh from the sea, just caught snapper, squid, crab, scallops, etc. At one point we didn't even want fish but the the men dropped the prices so low we couldn't turn them down. I've never had such fresh seafood before. I already miss it. Below are the before and after pictures.
We met a few different groups of Peace Corps volunteers from Zambia and Namibia. It was really refreshing to see how we automatically have this unspoken bond and friendship with each other. I've never experienced something like that in America and it makes me excited to meet returned PCVs when I come home. We did a spice tour in Stone Town and I learned all about cinnamon, vanilla, pepper, nutmeg, etc. It was actually really educational.
We left for the beach on the 29th and stayed in Bwejuu until the 4th, when we flew back to Uganda. Honestly most of the days blurred together. It was a whole lot of being lazy, lounging on the beach, taking naps, swimming, and hanging out. Matt introduced us to "Zanziball," the beach form of Bocce ball and everyone spent a lot of time playing that. The tide had really extreme highs and lows and we could only swim during the high tide. We went snorkeling and kayaking on the ocean. I got my first ever massage. It was truly what I needed...a relaxing vacation.
Here I am back in Uganda and starting to think about what comes next. For the longest time I didn't have to think about COS (close of service) until after GLOW, until after Zanzibar. Now it's after GLOW and Zanzibar.
I'm here finishing up projects until the end of March when I leave for 6 weeks in Thailand for one last adventure before coming home. Then I'll be back in May. Get ready for it!
Camp GLOW 2011
I've been terrible about giving consistent updates. So sorry. Yes I did have malaria. Yes it was awful and I got pretty sick and lost a bit of weight from it. Yes I do think it's kind of cool to be able to tell people that I had malaria while living in Africa but YES I AM TAKING MY MEDICINE and have no intention of getting it again before I leave.
Onto more exciting things...
Camp GLOW was a HUGE success! I feel even more proud of it's success this year than I did last year. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I was one of the co-directors. Bottom line: Alyssa and I killed it. We overcame every obstacle thrown our way (and there were a lot!) and managed to put together a week long camp that not only changed the girls' lives, but impacted the women and PCVs involved as well as my own life too. This camp has such a positive message and I can't help but get giddy when I talk about it. It's definitely one of the best things I have been involved in during my time here and it's been one of the most gratifying.
The set up was pretty much the same as last year, with a few minor scheduling changes to make it feel more like a summer camp and take some of the emphasis away from classroom learning. If you want a more detailed break down check out the website http://glowuganda2011.drupalgardens.com/ Fellow PCV Tony worked really hard getting everything together and a special thanks to our media crew (Dave, Tony, Stevie) for all the awesome pictures!
I want to give a few of my personal highlights from the week:
-checking in girls during the registration on the first day and having them remember me from an AFRIpads presentation I gave at their school
-not being called madame and just being and equal with all the girls and women involved
-the camp GLOW song. I rewrote the words to Shakira's "Waka Waka" and I can't even explain how amazing it felt hearing all the girls and counselors (and male staff!) sing in unison when we welcomed the boys from camp BUILD during our field day
-being told we set the bar high for next year's camp
-giving the AFRIpads presentation, passing out a donated kit to each girl, and watching them get excited for Judith, a tailor from AFRIpads, to give her motivational presentation
-hearing the group cheers
-a group of girls returning a 50 shilling piece (less than 10 cents) they found in their bags and realized didn't belong to them (we had a small issue with money missing during the week...)
-watching the counselors bond with their girls
-the sense of teamwork that developed as the week went on
-doing the Cupid Shuffle with all the staff and counselors during our talent show
-having girls come up to me to personally thank me for all the work we put into planning the camp
-getting a beer at 11am after all the girls left on the last day of camp. Tony bought our first round and then gave a toast saying how working at GLOW was something he'd been really looking forward to. Our staff was really phenomenal.
Onto more exciting things...
Camp GLOW was a HUGE success! I feel even more proud of it's success this year than I did last year. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I was one of the co-directors. Bottom line: Alyssa and I killed it. We overcame every obstacle thrown our way (and there were a lot!) and managed to put together a week long camp that not only changed the girls' lives, but impacted the women and PCVs involved as well as my own life too. This camp has such a positive message and I can't help but get giddy when I talk about it. It's definitely one of the best things I have been involved in during my time here and it's been one of the most gratifying.
The set up was pretty much the same as last year, with a few minor scheduling changes to make it feel more like a summer camp and take some of the emphasis away from classroom learning. If you want a more detailed break down check out the website http://glowuganda2011.drupalgardens.com/ Fellow PCV Tony worked really hard getting everything together and a special thanks to our media crew (Dave, Tony, Stevie) for all the awesome pictures!
I want to give a few of my personal highlights from the week:
-checking in girls during the registration on the first day and having them remember me from an AFRIpads presentation I gave at their school
-not being called madame and just being and equal with all the girls and women involved
-the camp GLOW song. I rewrote the words to Shakira's "Waka Waka" and I can't even explain how amazing it felt hearing all the girls and counselors (and male staff!) sing in unison when we welcomed the boys from camp BUILD during our field day
-being told we set the bar high for next year's camp
-giving the AFRIpads presentation, passing out a donated kit to each girl, and watching them get excited for Judith, a tailor from AFRIpads, to give her motivational presentation
-hearing the group cheers
-a group of girls returning a 50 shilling piece (less than 10 cents) they found in their bags and realized didn't belong to them (we had a small issue with money missing during the week...)
-watching the counselors bond with their girls
-the sense of teamwork that developed as the week went on
-doing the Cupid Shuffle with all the staff and counselors during our talent show
-having girls come up to me to personally thank me for all the work we put into planning the camp
-getting a beer at 11am after all the girls left on the last day of camp. Tony bought our first round and then gave a toast saying how working at GLOW was something he'd been really looking forward to. Our staff was really phenomenal.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
When bad days turn good
What started as a crappy day (hearing the DPP ask students what to ask the visitor to donate to the college, having a 20 minute conversation with a GROWN man explaining why it's challenging to be harrassed on a daily basis and how sometimes the thought of going to the market just puts me in a bad mood because it means leaving the safety bubble of the college, stress over planning GLOW, realizing I'm actually leaving Uganda soon with no plans in sight, a persistent headache I've had the past 3 days that just won't go away, etc.) turned into one of the best evenings I've had with my students.
I've gotten really close to Fina, the college secretary, the past few weeks. She's come to my house for baking, invited me to her house for dinner, given me a chicken, continues to give me bananas and eggs, and is just a fun, easygoing person. She's my age, progressive, and, honestly, reminds me more of an American than she does a Ugandan. Needless to say, I love spending time with her.
Anyway, after the whirlwind of a day that consisted of a program set around our "visitor from Sweden" ($$$), Fina told me we were playing volleyball with the students. I grabbed Buzi and my new frisbee (best Peace Corps grab box find!) and headed to the field. I've been trying to play with the students since I got here...2 months ago.
Seeing Madame Kirabo head to the field with dog in tow definitely brought in a crowd. We quickly had a game set up and my team dominated! I like to think it was from my killer serves...as soon as they realized I could serve over the net, that became my designated position and I didn't rotate the rest of the game.
There was something about running around in the grass and mud barefoot that melted away my bad mood. Walking barefoot in the grass is something I need to start doing more of. It feels amazing and immediately brings me back to summers in Texas, sitting on the back porch swing, eating watermelon and drinking lemonade.
My students also surprised me. They usually speak a mix of Luganda/English pretty much all the time. A few were surprised I could "handle the ball" and when I busted out with "Kitufu, manyi kuzannya. Kati, mugambe oluzungu!" (It's true, I know how to play. Now speak English!) they were beside themselves. For the rest of the game they were correcting each other whenever they slipped into speaking local language. That and having Buzi run on and off the "court" without scaring any of them absolutely made my day. Students finally saw me as more than just the white lady who teaches PES and gets pissed at them if they're late to class.
The good: During the first half of the volleyball game there was a gorgeous rainbow over the hills behind the school. Have I mentioned I live in what I like to describe as a zen yoga retreat oasis, complete with hills and greenery as far as you can see? Breathtaking.
I also sold 25 AFRIpads to my girls. In two hours.
The bad: I ripped my skirt while playing volleyball. I'd like to say I had an intense move where I face planted into the ground to save the ball, but what really happened is my spaz of a dog got too excited and bit/tore my skirt. He was tied all day. Can't blame him.
The ugly: The pump is broken. I don't have a latrine. Bucket flushing your toilet once a day (sometimes once every 2 days) sucks. Enough said.
Sorry for not posting in over a month. Will work on that. And congratulations to Mar, got accepted to UNT! So proud!
Ash
I've gotten really close to Fina, the college secretary, the past few weeks. She's come to my house for baking, invited me to her house for dinner, given me a chicken, continues to give me bananas and eggs, and is just a fun, easygoing person. She's my age, progressive, and, honestly, reminds me more of an American than she does a Ugandan. Needless to say, I love spending time with her.
Anyway, after the whirlwind of a day that consisted of a program set around our "visitor from Sweden" ($$$), Fina told me we were playing volleyball with the students. I grabbed Buzi and my new frisbee (best Peace Corps grab box find!) and headed to the field. I've been trying to play with the students since I got here...2 months ago.
Seeing Madame Kirabo head to the field with dog in tow definitely brought in a crowd. We quickly had a game set up and my team dominated! I like to think it was from my killer serves...as soon as they realized I could serve over the net, that became my designated position and I didn't rotate the rest of the game.
There was something about running around in the grass and mud barefoot that melted away my bad mood. Walking barefoot in the grass is something I need to start doing more of. It feels amazing and immediately brings me back to summers in Texas, sitting on the back porch swing, eating watermelon and drinking lemonade.
My students also surprised me. They usually speak a mix of Luganda/English pretty much all the time. A few were surprised I could "handle the ball" and when I busted out with "Kitufu, manyi kuzannya. Kati, mugambe oluzungu!" (It's true, I know how to play. Now speak English!) they were beside themselves. For the rest of the game they were correcting each other whenever they slipped into speaking local language. That and having Buzi run on and off the "court" without scaring any of them absolutely made my day. Students finally saw me as more than just the white lady who teaches PES and gets pissed at them if they're late to class.
The good: During the first half of the volleyball game there was a gorgeous rainbow over the hills behind the school. Have I mentioned I live in what I like to describe as a zen yoga retreat oasis, complete with hills and greenery as far as you can see? Breathtaking.
I also sold 25 AFRIpads to my girls. In two hours.
The bad: I ripped my skirt while playing volleyball. I'd like to say I had an intense move where I face planted into the ground to save the ball, but what really happened is my spaz of a dog got too excited and bit/tore my skirt. He was tied all day. Can't blame him.
The ugly: The pump is broken. I don't have a latrine. Bucket flushing your toilet once a day (sometimes once every 2 days) sucks. Enough said.
Sorry for not posting in over a month. Will work on that. And congratulations to Mar, got accepted to UNT! So proud!
Ash
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Finding the Silver Lining
I've been awful at updating this thing. I wanted to wait until something amazing happened at my new place or until I had some really cool integration story, but nothing like that's happened yet. I keep forgetting that my posts don't always have to be positive and a lot of the times I try to avoid writing a negative post, no matter how honest or accurate it may be, because things sound so much worse back home and I don't want anyone worrying about me.
Having completed more than half of my service I'm definitely guilty of having the mentality that I'm entitled. It's the sense of having earned something. You put in the effort, and you get acceptance and respect. Makes sense. Changing sites knocks you to the very bottom of the totem pole and forces you to do the work all over again.
In the timeline of PC service, right about now is when I'd be handing over projects and stepping back even more than I had been. Getting my site ready for life without me there or, in otherwords, making all of my work sustainable. The last 6 months are supposed to be easier, fun, and a time to really enjoy and appreciate all the work and effort you've put into the past year and a half you've spent with your community. It's not typical for a volunteer to start over with so little time left in their service. To put it bluntly, site changes completely suck. Especially when you don't want one. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but lately I'm feeling a little bitter.
It was hard to leave behind my old site and to leave behind students that I've taught my entire time here. It was even worse not being able to observe them during their final school practice (student teaching) and get them ready to apply for jobs. It was difficult not being able to say goodbye to the people that took me in and made me a part of the community. But I got over it, or at least I accepted that it was something I had to do.
Now I'm struggling with being seen as a new volunteer when I've already gone through all the work and growing pains of establishing myself as a legitimate member of a community. Sometimes you have days when you feel like you never want to leave this place. Everything clicks...you have work, you're busy, projects are successful, everyone knows you, and you even have a social life in the village. These days are what I live for. It also takes a lot of work and dedication to get to that level of integration. As awful as it sounds, right now I'm not motivated to do that work.
I know what I have to do to be not only accepted into a community, but also to be happy in the village. I've done it before, and I've done it correctly. I'm having this terrible inner struggle with myself where I know the work that needs to be done, but I feel like I shouldn't have to do it again. It's that awful and selfish sense of entitlement I was talking about before. I'm indirectly taking out all my frustrations on my new community by not giving them the same effort I gave to Kyotera. While my situation is by no means fair, the way I am reacting is completely unfair to Nakaseke.
I've been too negative lately and I'm working to focus on the positives and how fortunate I am to be at such a well-off school where the tutors are qualified. Today is just one of those days where I woke up and thought I was back in Rakai. Being homesick for a place in Uganda is something I never thought I would experience.
I guess with all the negativity and bitterness and pent up resentment I'm waiting to find the opportunity that I know has to be right in front of my face. I've taken my time to be upset and to mope around. It's way past time for me to get motivated and find out where I'm needed here. They say there's a silver lining to every dark cloud; I'm just waiting to find mine.
Having completed more than half of my service I'm definitely guilty of having the mentality that I'm entitled. It's the sense of having earned something. You put in the effort, and you get acceptance and respect. Makes sense. Changing sites knocks you to the very bottom of the totem pole and forces you to do the work all over again.
In the timeline of PC service, right about now is when I'd be handing over projects and stepping back even more than I had been. Getting my site ready for life without me there or, in otherwords, making all of my work sustainable. The last 6 months are supposed to be easier, fun, and a time to really enjoy and appreciate all the work and effort you've put into the past year and a half you've spent with your community. It's not typical for a volunteer to start over with so little time left in their service. To put it bluntly, site changes completely suck. Especially when you don't want one. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but lately I'm feeling a little bitter.
It was hard to leave behind my old site and to leave behind students that I've taught my entire time here. It was even worse not being able to observe them during their final school practice (student teaching) and get them ready to apply for jobs. It was difficult not being able to say goodbye to the people that took me in and made me a part of the community. But I got over it, or at least I accepted that it was something I had to do.
Now I'm struggling with being seen as a new volunteer when I've already gone through all the work and growing pains of establishing myself as a legitimate member of a community. Sometimes you have days when you feel like you never want to leave this place. Everything clicks...you have work, you're busy, projects are successful, everyone knows you, and you even have a social life in the village. These days are what I live for. It also takes a lot of work and dedication to get to that level of integration. As awful as it sounds, right now I'm not motivated to do that work.
I know what I have to do to be not only accepted into a community, but also to be happy in the village. I've done it before, and I've done it correctly. I'm having this terrible inner struggle with myself where I know the work that needs to be done, but I feel like I shouldn't have to do it again. It's that awful and selfish sense of entitlement I was talking about before. I'm indirectly taking out all my frustrations on my new community by not giving them the same effort I gave to Kyotera. While my situation is by no means fair, the way I am reacting is completely unfair to Nakaseke.
I've been too negative lately and I'm working to focus on the positives and how fortunate I am to be at such a well-off school where the tutors are qualified. Today is just one of those days where I woke up and thought I was back in Rakai. Being homesick for a place in Uganda is something I never thought I would experience.
I guess with all the negativity and bitterness and pent up resentment I'm waiting to find the opportunity that I know has to be right in front of my face. I've taken my time to be upset and to mope around. It's way past time for me to get motivated and find out where I'm needed here. They say there's a silver lining to every dark cloud; I'm just waiting to find mine.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I've moved!
More to come soon, but I am officially a tutor at Nakaseke Core Primary Teachers' college in Nakaseke, Luweero district.
**I have a new mailing address: P.O. Box 26 Wobulenzi, Uganda**
I'll write a longer update soon. Know that I am ok and have transitioned as best as possible. Miss you guys.
**I have a new mailing address: P.O. Box 26 Wobulenzi, Uganda**
I'll write a longer update soon. Know that I am ok and have transitioned as best as possible. Miss you guys.
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